i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
