my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
