he thought i was a dude.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
