so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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