Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize