Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
