I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
