bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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