Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
third nipple confirmed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
