just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
