**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
