I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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