Pants 0. Shit 1.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
