Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So. Much. Porn.
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