i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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