You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
