i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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