Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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