Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
