She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
