i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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