Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
