thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
