Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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