there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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