Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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