I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
