I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
