That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
