My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
