Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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