I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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