Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
