What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize