it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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