He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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