this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
