she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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