It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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