i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just tell him i said nine months
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize