I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
