Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
