i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
