To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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