Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize