Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
