i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
