I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
