it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
