I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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