Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am available for nakedness
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
