Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
