I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize