Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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