so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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