I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
