'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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