i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
