I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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