I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
