The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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