kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
