I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
